I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
