im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
