please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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