Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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