btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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