respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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