what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
