you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
