Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
