I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
