she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
