I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
