Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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