we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
