And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
