why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
