i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
