Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
