420 ftw
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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