Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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