oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
