If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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