Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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