it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
