i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
