I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
