just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
