I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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