Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
