i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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