Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My ass is underappreciated
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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