i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
