There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
