Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
