I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
