The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
