They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
