yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
