Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
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honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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