apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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