put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
