No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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