just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
