Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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