Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
as a side note pls kill me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
