Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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