So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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