I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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