Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
