My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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