I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
