He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
