I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize