well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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