She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
