Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
