if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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