Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
