I have demons in me.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
