Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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