I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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