So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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