What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She told me I should be a condom model.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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