Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
