dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
