is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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