We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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