I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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