I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
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Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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