i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
