I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
