oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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