dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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