Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
